Showing posts with label india. Show all posts
Showing posts with label india. Show all posts

Thursday, April 1, 2010

How to cross a street in India

Traveling around the world I have found many ways to cross a street, as simple as crossing in Australia where all cars stop only because you are crossing, as easy as Colombia where if you don't see a car just cross or sometimes drivers give you the way. But in India it's different.

To cross a street in India you will first have to be aware of the elements of the environment. They can be autorickshaws, shared autorickshaws (bigger rickshaws), trucks, cows, bikes, people and buses. Everything at the same time. Now, conscious of the environment there are two ways to cross the street: unsafe - safe mode.

Unsafe mode
How my mother taught me: "you look to the left and see if cars are coming". This is totally incorrect, first "you look to the left": India was a British colony so traffic, switches, volume-channel buttons in the remotes, locks are in the opposite direction. How annoying is it to try turning up the volume and instead get another channel, but it would be more annoying trying to cross the street because the car might end up changing your life-channel. Second "if cars are not coming": cars and bikes are always coming.

But anyway, like a good boy I followed this instruction with its corrections from the Indian environment:
look to the right - good! some spot there, let's cross. Result: you dumb-ass forgot about the left, vehicles coming in the wrong direction sometimes are coming as well.
ok
look to the right - left - right - good! some spot there, let's cross. Result: you dumb-ass could step onto a shit or an animal
ok
look at the floor - right - left - right - damn! more cars are coming :(

Now suppose you are a horse! so you have left-right vision and don't care what you step on. Still be aware of the front, you can crash into another person who is crossing from the opposite side. Awesome! You'll probably find how to cross only one lane, then you have to stay in the middle of the two "lanes" waiting to do the same procedure. Don't worry, all motorbikes will be horning you and nearly touching you, but you are kind of safe; Finally you have crossed the street.

Safe mode
Follow an Indian and stand beside him, he knows the business and if someone gets hurt it's gonna be him :)
There's still the wrong direction drivers risk, so cross between two Indians. The risk of the floor is still there but it would be so colonial and inhumane to cross over an Indian.

Safest mode cross into a crowd of Indians, believe me, I'm here writing this post to tell the story.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Tejadito times

I will explain what Tejadito is for those who don't know it.... I come from a city where women glow and they are really beautiful, the one who is below standards will pick up some day... that's the life cycle OR 'Beauty Cycle' of Medellin women. So now, think of the best university of the city where all beauties go to study, and now think of a special place - a spot - where these girls gather everyday -all day-, yes that is the Tejadito Coffee Shop...

I used to go with my friends to that place -the spot- almost every day... have some coffee, "pandebonos", cheese cake or simply in the next cafeteria dunkin donuts. What can you do if an awesome girl passed in front of you... three things:
1. look at her normally and naturally
2. stare at her (Stalker mode)
3. look at other places and try to ignore her... but this is not going to work because in other places will be more girls so you just be like an old fan... look at the floor???, no!, look at your friends???. worse!...

To look at her normally and naturally is the obvious thing, and frankly that's what I used to do...

Now, I'm in India... I haven't seen a good chick in almost 2 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I haven't even seen any good coffee shop too.

Is that fair?. NO. I'm getting something we call in my city "mal de vereda" or "village disease", let me explain that with cars. One of my best friends always says you can explain life with cars and football. Ok. so now imagine a town full of Ferraris, then if you see a BMW you will probably say: It's crap... On the other hand if you see the same BMW in a village full of Renaults 4... you will say: dude, BMW rocks.

Now I have a little bit of village disease, so I see some girls and I find them nice; five issues:

1. They generally are married, how do I know? I cautiously look at her toes, if she is wearing rings in both feet toes.. damn, you are lost. She is married. What if she is not wearing sandals(jandals, flip -flops, thongs)?. I haven't found this case but generally they would wear a black necklace.
2. They are taken, it's not good to try to approach to a guy's girlfriend.
3. They have a kind of mustache - believe me-
4. They are wearing Saris (Indian traditional woman clothes) so you can't know what is inside. I mean.. the shape or silhouette is not recognizable at all. So it could be a nice secret or a really bad surprise.
5. You just don't even know how to approach to them.

Conclusion: I will join in meditation classes next week and when I get to Colombia first thing I'll do is have a nice colombian coffee in "El tejadito".